Learning to Fly Again
Consumed by this robbery, for the past eight months my home has been quite. No motivation. No inspiration. No music. No writing. What have I been doing? Living a deep depression. I absolutely don't want to admit it. But I must.
You see, my house was robbed on 4/20. And it completely rocked my world.
My home, my privacy was violated as a direct result of meth addiction. No, I don’t do meth. I have never done meth. I will never do meth. I’ve seen those before and after images and that shit is not for me.
But I do know FOR A FACT who did it and why they did it.
Here is how I know. In May of 2015, I returned home and checked the mail just like any other day.
And there it was… the letter.
It was addressed to my then husband. We separated the previous November. Naturally, like any wife I took the letter. I took it and I read it.
It was from inmate #76760 of the Topeka Correctional Facility, Amanda Boyd.
A known meth addict, this young woman is a career criminal. She has eight aliases. She has been in and out of jail since 2003. She is 34, just one month older than me and she is addicted to meth.
I’m told by Detective Mark Blomquist, lead investigator, that she has preyed on men to help her get what she needs for years. I firmly believed she preyed on my ex-husband’s state of mind.
We recently went through a divorce. Not a bad one like you hear about but a painful breakup that still hurts a lot. We married way young. I mean, who knows who they want to spend the rest of their lives with at 19-years-old anyway. At least for us... that was the case.
My ex-husband and I have gone through a shit storm but at the end of the day he is a great man and a great father. I love him still very much and am so grateful to have him in my life.
He made a bad choice. We all do it. Hell … look at the recent President Elect.
Shit happens. Everyday.
So when this happened it was like I became an instant detective. Only I had no gun, no training and no knowledge of how to actually do detective work but none the less …
I collected the footage from my neighbors.
I tracked down the house where the green suburban was spotted.
I captured 3 photos of Amanda Boyd after she came back by my house on May 10th.
I chased her out of the neighborhood (without any shoes on).
I captured the license plate of the vehicle.
Long story short. I know who did it and she knows I know.
It's really scary to think that this woman knows the lay out of my home. It’s really scary to know that she has not been caught. It is scary to know that she is still addicted to meth.
Until now, I have been relatively quite about the whole thing but I’m sick of living like this. I’m sick of reliving this robbery every time a new discovery happens. And if you think this is over sharing well... I can't help but get it out. I have to get past this.
I need to get back to the girl in this picture. I need to "Learn to Fly" again.
I write all this to say … I need help, advice, encouragement. Sadly, I have shut myself off from only a few people and this is not me. This is not the Lacey Cruse who released an album and booked a tour 2 years ago. This is not how I want to live and breathe and wake up everyday.
So how in the world do I get past this robbery that has essentially changed my life forever?
I will tell my story, I will ask for help when I need it and I will do everything in my power to help those around me. It's the only way for me.
Amanda Boyd and I are similar in more ways than I probably realize. I don't know her at all but as mother of two small children I want to see her get back to her three little ones.
I forgive her and I forgive myself.
What I have learned over the past year is that time waits for no one. And the time I get with my daughters is what keeps me alive. I have made a choice to focus on getting better. Forgiving is the only way to do it.
I have to set an example for my girls.
Be silly and do things that are "out of the ordinary"
Pick up trash that's not yours
Be kind to mother earth
Talk to the kids at school who are lonely
Smile at strangers on the regular
Listen to Broadway music and sing at the top of your lungs
Help the elderly load their groceries at the super market
Create things and share it
Give as much as you can
Don't worry about a messy house
Dance until your legs hurt
Be kind to animals
Ask questions when you don't understand
Love one another something fierce
The list is endless with things I want to teach them. And so everyday I will push on. I will push through the weeks I don't have them and work on myself. I will love myself, I will be kind to myself and not let this little hiccup get me down any longer.
Thank you all for your continued encouragement and love. It means more than you'll ever know.
Learning to fly again,